One of my biggest struggles is with adequacy. Deadlines put me into an almost perpetual spin of balancing talent I know I have and a fear of not being enough. When I didn’t finish the Blog Like Crazy challenge, I threw a pretty epic pity party. Despite the nastiness, I managed and rocked ten deadlines in sixteen days. My blog and running fell by the wayside. As a result, my mood fluctuated a lot and I started spacing out at work.
Through it all, Adam was amazing. His support and reassurance kept what’s left of my sanity intact, even as he himself was going through finals. Without him, I would probably have been curled up in a little ball before cranking out a last minute second draft. His encouragement (and cooking) have provided the backup and strength I needed to knock everything out.
Every time I began getting a handle on myself, something came up. First, it was applying for healthcare. Though my income is far below the cutoff for subsidies, I only qualified for $9 per month. The increase will most likely supersede setting up a Roth IRA. On the bright side, it’s spurred me into self-incorporating — once that’s done, healthcare costs become a tax-deductible expense.
On Christmas day, I went running for the first time in more weeks than I’m willing to admit. It was a short run, made shorter still by Guntersville’s hills, but it felt so good. Today I’ll be working out my hips and legs, and tomorrow I’ll be going back out. Starting almost from scratch isn’t fun, but getting back into the swing of it will be good.
From here, I have a couple weeks to re-establish myself (and my blog and running and writing) until my next deadline. This mini-break will give me a chance to de-stress, catch up on fun and enjoy bowl season. During this time I’ll also be able to pitch new article ideas and maybe even give myself a pedicure. It’s been a while.
Today’s title is modified from a quote by Marianne Williamson. “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.”