When Adam and I had been dating for about six months, a friend told me that he wanted the kind of online relationship that my beau and I had. Ladies and gents, I present to you the social media contract we signed when we started dating.
I will leave you notes on your Facebook wall and send you articles I think you would appreciate. I will travel to the ends of the Internet to find witty cat pictures that will make you smile. I will never post the pictures I took of you that time you were sleeping. I mean, what?
I will occasionally post things that make me laugh hysterically but that don’t amuse you. Deal with it. If you’re nice, I’ll offset those posts by making you dinner. If not, I’ll carry on posting. Outside of Facebook, you can have your forum memberships if I can stay on Twitter. I don’t have that much to say about cars or fashion outside of “Ooo. Pretty!”
If you watch television shows that I do not or cannot, I promise to read summaries so we can discuss the broader points of the show. I will get angry about people posting spoilers even if I’m never, ever going to watch the episodes. I promise to find funny related memes and post them where all our friends can see.
Most importantly, I promise to keep the personal details of our relationship off of social media. Any information I wouldn’t freely share with my grandmother does not belong on the Internet. I care for you, and that means respecting your privacy … even if I start a blog.
Title today comes from one of my favorite Beatles songs, “All My Loving.”
Author’s note: Adam and I joke about having signed this type of contract. It’s not a literal document.